A Few Bright Spots in a Crazy-Hard Winter

If you don't know me personally (actually, even if you do…), my apologies; you'll probably find this entry super boring.  I'm still struggling with what direction to take this "family" blog now that it has readership.  Suggestions welcome!

The other reason I haven't done any personal blogging is that this winter has just been really rough.  A few snapshots of frustration that will hopefully someday be humorous include:

1. Our dishwasher breaking five or six times, full of dirty dishes each time, and including the week I was trying to bake all my cookies to raise money for International Justice Mission.  
2. Our decade-old, pre-digital television also bit the dust this December.  Right before both kids came down with the stomach flu for a total of 4 nights and days.  And Mark was away at a hematology conference.
3. Of course this was perfect timing for Matthew to spill water all over my laptop, which was a hand-me-down Mac from my mother.  Our printer had also been broken for months.  And we had no money to replace any of these things.  They'd still be sitting around broken today if not for a huge surprise from my mother's brother down in Florida.  Turns out Santa did come this year.
4. In early December we got some sad news about one of Mark's patients.  This very young man had been diagnosed last winter with a cancer that is usually curable, but his cancer turned out to be highly aggressive, completely untouchable by any treatments.  In November Mark sent him to the NIH for some experimental treatment that occasionally works miracles.  On our own family's "Christmas morning" (a Sunday before we were to fly back home for the holidays - for the first time in three years) Mark headed downtown to retrieve and read what we knew were likely to be this young man's final scans.  Mark spent that morning downtown with the family; he wanted to be there and they wanted to hear the news from him.  It was very sad news, and my heart breaks again just thinking about what they've been through.  We thought a lot of this young man while we were home with our own families, knowing that he was home on hospice and he deserved so much more.  He was a very special person, very loved by all his friends and family; Mark said that MD-researchers often have a patient or two who inspire and focus their life's work and he believes this young man will be his.  Mark attended his funeral in January; I wanted very much to go but had no childcare.  His mother's eulogy is something I'll never forget, even though I wasn't there for it.  She said that as a little boy he'd always reach up to take her hand… and on his deathbed he reached up again to take her hand but she knew that this time, he was the one reassuring her instead of the other way around; that's who he was, always strong for others and always positive.  I can't imagine holding my child's hand for the last time.
5. Back to the logistical frustrations:  Picture it, the night before we're supposed to fly out, frantically packing and prepping our apartment for deleading (which is no small task).  Matthew falls and hurts his arm.  Subtract nearly 4 hours in the emergency room (thank goodness he was all right).  Total of three hours of sleep that night, and about the same amount the following night since Claire didn't take well to her new surroundings and cried for hours and hours.
6. Of course:  Spilled coffee all over my new keyboard.  Of course.
7. Return from the holidays.  Can't find the window fixtures for Claire's room.  Suddenly she's waking up at 5:30 instead of 8:30.  Takes literally a week to figure it all out.  Because that's the crux of residency:  It's not just the time they're gone, it's what happens to the time that's left.  Incredibly stressful.
8. Could anything else go wrong?  Why yes.  Just as I was hoping to finally, after 5.5 years of intense training, settle into a more "normal" life out here as Mark commenced lab research, Mark's PI ("Principal Investigator" - the head of the lab, and what Mark hopes to one day be himself) is suddenly being heavily recruited by Memorial in Manhattan.  Apparently some fat cat on Wall Street donated tons of money to Memorial and they're filling their ranks with the best they can get.  Memorial is essentially neck-and-neck with Dana-Farber; some might even say it's better, but the Harvard card is sort of a trump card in a lot of ways because, well, it's Harvard and it always will be.  But if Mark's PI leaves, that will leave us in a tough spot.  Either we would have to move to Manhattan, which we cannot afford and which would really not be fun after I've worked hard to carve out a life for us here, or Mark will have to start all over in a new lab here.  Starting over here would mean forfeiting the loan forgiveness for research that should come through for us this fall.  He spent months last fall working evenings and weekends on his application; it's like writing a grant.  And we really need the forgiveness; $35,000 of principal forgiven would be fantastic, when we still have about $210,000 left.    

So anyway, I started out this winter at a sprint.  I thought I was about to finally hit the residency finish line in terms of a "normal" life and it energized me to bake my IJM cookies and push through cold after cold after cold - literally I was congested for three solid months - with no childcare help whatsoever.  But eventually these various minor disasters took their toll and I'm typing this right now in survival mode.  Just putting one foot in front of the other until the weather gets warmer and we figure out the lab situation, and until Mark finally finishes up a book chapter he was assigned to write half a year ago - it's unpaid, and you "can't say no," politically.  Mark has been working late pretty much every night and I'm still "taking the kids" on the weekends so he can get more work done on that chapter.  Logically I know that we're almost at the real finish line… things should get better really soon once the chapter is done and the lab situation resolves.  But my heart just can't keep "bringing it" another day.  I'm on an emotional "pause" until it's over.  I'm basically hibernating and hoping to find brighter days when I wake up.

As to the bright spots, I do want document these too:

(1)  We had an absolutely fantastic 3-day Christmas in Chicago with Mark's family.  He has a huge family and there is no end of fun adults my age to chat with and adorable nieces and nephews to delight in.  Plus his family is Swedish and there is no end of amazing Swedish food and fun traditions.  I'd been missing all this for three years since Mark couldn't go home either of the past two Christmases.  And introducing my kids to what will be such a special part of their own childhoods was the kind of joy that life is all about.

All the Murakami cousins.  Such amazing kids, each and every one of them.

Not-even-Everybody.

Family magic.

(2)  I also had a nice extended stay at my own house of origin as an after-Christmas.  It's SO.  NICE. to have an extra set of hands (two, really) to help.  And I cherish the time with my parents.  Bonus:  My father's sister and her husband, and two of their three children, made the trek up to Madison to celebrate together and meet Claire.  My aunt is one of my idols and certainly the most I have left of my grandmother, with whom I was really close.  And I love her family.  It was amazing to see them.  I am so glad they made the trip!

Papa and Uncle Jeff made a snowman with Matthew!

My cousin Maggie and my daughter.  Lucky me!!!

(3)  Claire is talking!  At 16 months she says tons of things.  She answers questions with a "Yes," will tell you what TV show she wants and then say "That's the one I want" if you click on it, she even said an emphatic "Da - AD!" when Mark tickled her the other day.  It's hilarious how her sweet, garbled little voice actually says very "adult" things.  Love it.

15 months

16 months 

15 months.
Yes, I'm obsessed with dressing my children.  But I do it on a shoestring budget; here are my tips.
See, also, my Zulily tips.

(4)  Matthew continues to amaze me by being SUCH a good big brother to Claire.  Twice at the gym childcare drop-off he lifted his arms up to "take her" from me, melted my heart!  And I love it when I come back and catch them playing together.  They play very well together at home too which is an absolute godsend for me.  He never stops talking and hearing his often adorable thoughts brightens every single one of our days, no matter what else is going on.

Sugar Cookie Fun

3 years 4 months.

(5)  Mark and I have started a weekly marriage "course" at our church.  It's painful to pay for a babysitter once a week, but we really need to get back on track now that our half-decade of "survival mode" is hopefully finally ending.  Our goal is to continue with the babysitter after the course is over so that we have at least three hours a week for us.  It's clear that if we don't schedule it in, it won't happen.  And I'm not gonna lie:  We really need it.

(6)  My Mom-to-Mom group this year is amazing.  I love these women; I love that we come from such diverse backgrounds and situations, but we have all really bonded and we share laughter and even occasional tears every week.  Mom-to-Mom is a national program that originated at our church out here; every Thursday we meet for an hour of lecture/video on parenting and then another hour to chat with our "small groups" - childcare is excellent, you should definitely look into whether there's a chapter near you.  The woman who started it, Linda, is herself a medical spouse - and the videos often mention the specific struggles of having a very busy partner.

There, now the blog is caught up in terms of documenting our family's "story."  Here's to hoping that this is the very last residency chapter.  I'd love to write an "It Gets Better" chapter in a few months for all my medical spouse readers.

Sour Cream Blueberry Pancakes with Warm Buttermilk Syrup

Brunch in the springtime is an obsession for me.  It's just so fitting, right?  Blooming flowers, fresh air, perfect weather, and ripening berries ... makes you want to enjoy!  

The blueberries at Wilson Farm looked amazing yesterday.  Had to get some, and M could not have been happier.  Proximity to Wilson Farm is one of the best things about where we live.  Fairly reasonable prices for top-notch produce and artisan breads and cheeses.  In the autumn there are hayrides for kids and, true to the region, hot fresh apple cider donuts.

My brunch obsession is also rooted in my husband's schedule.  Because his days off are rare, I like to go all out when he does have one.  I'll often wake up before the baby, happy and excited.  Then I'll start scheming and cooking based on what we have on hand.  I usually finish up around 10 a.m. and I'm happy to offer my sleep-deprived sweetheart the best reason I can concoct for him to get out of bed.  I do this every single morning he has off, unless we go out to brunch.  I love it.  (Although I'm wondering if I'll be able to keep it up once we have two kids).

Finally, and more recently... my "morning sickness" usually starts up around 10 am and gets worse All. Day.  Long.  So breakfast has been my only enjoyable meal for some time now.  I am utterly, completely out of dinners that sound even remotely appetizing.  But that's a topic for another blog entry, one you can read at your own risk.

Today's finds were unanimously deemed blog-worthy (even Baby M agreed...).  I had extra buttermilk and sour cream and figured there had to be a way of combining these with blueberries for T.D.F. results.  I scanned a few recipes and finally settled on this one.  Oh my.  I doubt I'll ever make pancakes that don't call for sour cream and buttermilk again.  These were *perfect*.  So light and with just the right flavor.  I'll be using this base from now on, whether I add blueberries or not.

De-lish!

This was my second time making the warm buttermilk syrup and I implore you to try it. It's SO easy to make - throw a few ingredients in a saucepan and simmer 7 minutes, done.  And it just adds more flavor dimension than maple syrup, which has always been a little too sweet for me.  It's got somewhat of a caramel taste, and the leftovers are amazing in coffee.  It's perfect on any type of pancake but I think you'll agree if you try this combo:  Blueberries, buttermilk, and sour cream were destined for each other.

Buttermilk Sour Cream Blueberry Pancakes

1 cup flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt (a pinch)
3 tbsp sugar
1 egg
1 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup sour cream
3 tbsp melted butter
1/2 cup blueberries (do not add more)

Combine dry ingredients in bowl; whisk to blend.  Combine wet ingredients in a separate bowl; whisk to blend.  Combine wet and dry ingredients with whisk.  Fold in blueberries.  Heat a griddle or pan to medium-high heat, and lubricate as desired (I used PAM).  Spoon desired amount of batter onto griddle. Once pancake has set, reduce heat to fairly low for even cooking.  You want to start out hotter so that the batter doesn't spread too far, but the reduce heat so you can cook through without burning the outside.  Flip when bubbles appear.  Flipping works best if you use one extra wide "pancake" spatula (like the one mentioned here) and one regular spatula.

Please heed the above advice about adjusting the heat on these pancakes.  They are a little fussier than most - but well worth the extra effort.  

Warm Buttermilk Syrup

3/4 cup sugar
half as much buttermilk (half of your 3/4 measuring cup)
1/2 stick butter
1 tbsp light corn syrup (don't bother measuring; just squirt it in)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla

In a saucepan, bring everything to a boil, and simmer 7 minutes.  Serve warm. Refrigerate leftovers.

Leftovers may be reheated or added to coffee for a "caramel macchiato" effect.

Brunch away!

Golden ticket... or golden handcuffs?

Some very good friends of ours recently struggled greatly with a decision... a decision we still struggle with probably once a week:

Do they leave (or should we have left) St. Louis and come out to Boston (MGH) for his residency?

It may seem like a no-brainer.  MGH is, for all intents and purposes, "The" Harvard-affiliated hospital that for most medical specialties is the most competitive in the nation.  Adele just had her vocal chord surgery here last November.  Yet my husband and I go round and round on whether it's been or will be worth it for us to have come out here for this program.  I ultimately emailed our friends telling them that although we'd thought at great length about how to advise them, we still found ourselves vacillating between "You can't not do it!" and "No... RUN LIKE HELL!!!!"  They replied that their thoughts were exactly the same.  It's a very tough decision with the highest of stakes involved - both for the prospective physician and for his or her family.

Do you want your family's struggles to be worthy of reality TV?  Maybe not...

Finding out that MGH wanted my husband was quite the feeling.  Their (discreet) indication probably cinched things for us... even though we calculated we couldn't afford Boston unless I continued to practice post-kids, which neither of us wanted.  Still, we found a way.  I stayed in St. Louis alone five long months after he left and we saved up my salary.  We also relied upon having been told that we could "practically double his salary moonlighting starting second year" (HA - 2nd years can't moonlight at MGH).

The financial stakes were high, and so was my husband's upcoming fatherhood.  He didn't want to miss out, and neither of us wanted our children to miss out on their father.  Thus it was very important to our decision that MGH told us that they were "old school" - and at the time, they were.  They told my husband that he would work harder his intern year than most residents, but that the rest of it would be easier.  We thought that sounded great - sacrifice while I'm pregnant so our children could have more time with their father.  Of course, none of that ever happened.  Second year was harder than intern year (nearly unimaginable) because MGH shifted work up as it came under fire for interns blowing through the 80 hour/week limit.  And this year has been just as bad, both because of another new ACGME rule (limiting intern shifts to 16 hours from the previous 30, again, work flowed up) and because my husband now needs to moonlight constantly just to make ends meet... since he couldn't last year after all (not that he'd have had ANY time to!).

The mood when my husband went back to work - 12 hr shifts with another 2 hours of commuting.
Sporadic days off only, needing to sleep through many of those.
Hand on pager.

Anyway, our decision was made under those (false) impressions and I can't say either of us would have been able to pull the same trigger knowing then what we know now.  As little M's mommy, and having been raised by a child therapist, and believing Harry Chapin nailed it with "Cat's in the Cradle," I probably could not ethically do it.  This evening when we got back from the park for dinner and a bus went by but didn't stop, M - a sweet, mellow kid - burst into tears and lay on the ground crying "Da-deeeee!  Da-deeeeee!"  His cries continued sporadically inside, no matter what I tried to distract him with... and he finally looked longingly and hopefully toward the door, sighed deeply, and put his head to his chest and sat down.  Watching that made me cry too - it would break any mother's heart.  How do you tell your child, who hasn't seen his dad for 5 days, that he likely won't see him again for another 5 days?  How do you do that month after month after month?

Thus I have an enormous amount of respect for another friend who was also invited to interview at MGH, who also could have gotten in, but who did not blink an eye at not ranking it.  She crossed them off her list immediately after interviews.  Pretty much everywhere else she interviewed had assured her that they were "supportive" of families.  MGH... quite the opposite.  At least they're honest!

And so neither of our two prospective resident friends or their families will be joining us out here in Boston.  Their decisions and sacrifices were made largely for their families, but will also impact their own health, happiness, and experience of 7-8 years of their lives.  I have a lot of respect for that, and a bit of relief for them as well.  The current MGH interns are working *even more hours* than they did back when my husband went through, because this year's new 16-hour shift limit has created massive inefficiency at the hospital with complex hospitalized patients receiving new doctors twice as often, and those doctors (residents) needing to prepare for more frequent but shorter shifts and debrief from them as well (not to mention commute to and from them).  While many other hospitals (like my father's, UW-Madison) have absorbed the additional work by hiring N.P.'s, MGH seems to just spread it around among residents.   

Also factoring into my friends' decisions was the "Boston reality" for their respective spouses.  Basically, for the medical spouse, the decision to come out here not only means saying Goodbye to your spouse for 7-8 of your best years (including those precious baby days)... which alone is pretty sad to swallow... it also means saying Hello to a *wicked* hard city to live in, alone - REALLY alone, day in and day out and most weekends - and REALLY poor.  When your friends stress about how hard it is to have more than one kid, you'll wonder how you'll ever do it, since they have husbands from 5:30 on and all weekend long (not to mention greater financial resources).  Meanwhile, going to MGH isn't exactly like going to Harvard Law.  Physician and even academic salaries are much more "set" than most professions, where a pedigree could drastically alter your career path.  Sure, there's the chance that your research career could really take off and do crazy things.  But it's all sort of vague and as our friend put it:  "Even if you're wildly successful someday, you'll never know that it was because you went to MGH for residency."

As the doting spouse, I find myself tending to believe that my husband will be on top of the world no matter where he goes.  He certainly has been so far!  Not to mention the fact that Barnes/Wash U is not too shabby as one of the very top hospitals in the nation.  So it's a hard for me think about the time he's missing with Toddler M and the damaging fatigue his own body has endured over the past few years - he's taken to joking about how he's going to die young, and it's terrifying for me because he's at least half serious.  Not to mention the financial relief we'd have had by staying in St. Louis due to their PSTP option (LOTS more salary and a year less of residency for those ultimately pursuing research), the normal cost of living, and my being able to work another year before staying home.  Out here, we *don't* make ends meet on just his salary, and we have no way of saving significantly for a house, M's college, retirement, or anything really... and we won't for another 4.5-5.5 years, when we're 36-37 years old(!!!).

So it's a very tough choice, one I'm not sure we'd be able to make again, given the current situation.  And I'm happy for these friends.  As Match Day approaches I'm positive they feel good about their choices.  And I'm positive they're each headed toward the phenomenal careers of helping and healing for which they are destined.  

Guy Things I Never Thought I'd Have to Know or Do

I'm all for gender equality, don't get me wrong.  But ladies, let's be honest:  We grow up expecting that certain things will be handled by the men in our lives.  Things like deep blizzard shoveling, for example.  Or... dare I say... toilet clogs.  But now that I'm going on 2 years of being a stay-at-home spouse with a very busy husband, it's finally dawned on me:  The days of "guy stuff" are over.  At least for me.  Here is a list of some of the things I never thought I'd have to know or do.

2003

1.  Deep Blizzard Shoveling.  If you're married to a man who's never home during daylight (or even nighttime) hours, someone HAS to clear the snow.  I once shoveled over 8 hours in one day.  Pregnant.  We live on a corner with two entrances (both with stairs and porches) and a bear of a steep driveway.  And we had a "nor'easter"!

Shoveling... it's not for perfectionists.  Especially our driveway.

2.  Toilet Troubles.  I remember the first time I cleared a clog... I assumed it was an extreme, once-in-a-lifetime situation.  LOL.  Since then I've learned all about all sorts of toilet troubles online and in discussions with my dad, our landlord, and the plumber.  Got a toilet problem?  I just may be your lady.

3.  Dishwasher Trouble-Shooting.  It turned out not to be fixable... but I was able to verify that for our landlord after a lot of research.  And without any water damage to our neighbors below!

4.  Massachusetts Plates.  I believe it took 4 trips to the RMV to finally get our MA plates.  With or without a baby, I did all 4 ... waiting over an hour each time.

5.  Need New Tires.  Good thing our tire blew out before winter arrived!  I'd had no idea all 4 needed replacing.  Now I know what to look for and how to tell... and how to get a good deal on new ones.

6.  Other Car Maintenance.  Oil changes, new wipers, brake adjustments... oh yeah.  And all with a baby in tow.


7.  Take Out The Papers And The Trash.  I don't get any "spending cash" for this but trash and recycling are pretty much all me.

8.  Steam Heater Maintenance.  I can't explain this if your house isn't ancient, but it involves keeping water at a certain level in the basement.  I think I made our landlord write it all down for me... that was before I gained confidence in these matters.

9.  Dryer Vent Fixing.  Actually I haven't done this yet because I can't reach.  But that's why it's been out for nearly a year.  I'm still scheming about how to get a chair down two flights of steep, narrow stairs.

10.  Installing the Car Seats.  It scares me that I'm even involved with this.

11.  Assembling Strollers, Furniture, and Baby Toys.  My parents would be proud.  And utterly shocked.

12.  Purchasing Big Heavy Items, like our Area Rug, and Hauling Them Home.  A big thanks to Kelly, who helped me out with the rug.

13.  Last, but definitely not least:  The time I had to fish a dead, stinking, fly-attracting rat out of my diaper bag and salvage what I could of the contents.  It had to be done... and it had to be done before that long hospital shift was over. 

I almost couldn't do it.  I think it took a few tries.

So all you female medical spouses out there wishing you could afford a house already... be glad!  I can't imagine how much more work that would be!  And I have, since childhood, *always* refused to mow the lawn.  ;)

Moonlighting Blues & The Best Soup Ever

Before I get into this AMAZING soup, a bit about our lives.  For one thing, I get way more hits that way (apparently I wasn't meant for food blogging) and for another, I do mean to document our lives for my children and other medical spouses.

So:

My husband's moonlighting paperwork finally went through and that means he can start picking up shifts where he'll actually get paid as a doctor.  Only problem is he's still working as a resident!  His "senior resident" year was supposed to be a cakewalk but the ACGME passed a new rule this year that limits hospital shifts to 16 hours.  To compare, my husband often worked 30+ hours on his shifts as an intern.  So... someone has to pick up that slack.  And whereas at my dad's hospital they're turning to NP's (nurse practitioners), MGH knows it has an even cheaper labor source in its senior residents - heck, they're salaried so it's a FREE one!  So weekends my husband should have had off, and evenings he should have been home... he's working for *you*, MGH interns.  Enjoy your sleep!  Oh and be warned... if you're counting on moonlighting money, like we were... well, it's not so easy to find the time for it.

If you're wondering whether this is depressing, um, no, it's AWESOME!  Not.  This was supposed to be "the good year" and basically he'll now either work his days off or if we're "lucky" he'll moonlight them.  So sad, especially for Matthew.  I do some full-day baby-sitting and I've been lucky to do a little legal work from home recently, but living in Boston on a resident's salary with $1400/month student loan payments and a baby ... doesn't actually add up, people.  We're out of the money I saved lawyering and that means we need [significant] cash.  And as a friend once put it, my husband and I "don't have any fat to trim."  We're already living in extreme frugality.  (and *please* don't ask me "whether I've considered" going back to work ... it's a little insulting, frankly; if I thought that was a good choice for us right now I'd obviously already have done it).

What a rant!  Clearly my Italian side doesn't permit unlimited Pollyanna-ism and when even my husband's Scandinavian stoicism has devolved into cynicism, the only cheery disposition to be found chez nous is the baby's.  Thank God for him!

Anyway, my husband will be working Thanksgiving AND Christmas.  Woot.  Thanksgiving for free - allllll weekend - and moonlighting all Christmas.  No family in the area.  I don't think I can convey to those of you whose spouses have holidays off how depressing it is to face them alone, with a baby.  Everything is closed and everyone else is having those moments that life is all about, but you're just trying to figure out how to fill the time until the stores open again the next day and you can be excited for some grocery trip and seeing other kids at the park again.  In June my husband will start fellowship, where the first 1.5 years are supposed to be pretty bad.  So basically we're both looking forward to January of 2014, when my husband will be in the lab and things will finally be normal (if we can remember what normal is by then... and if they're actually normal...).  Sigh.  But as I told my own doctor, there are starving people in Africa.  Hmmm.  She still wants me to get therapy.  Her husband did the same programs, by the way...

On a brighter note, my brother's wife Adora (aptly named - we ADORE this girl) urged me to try this soup last year and I have to say she found a MAJOR gem.  Be sure you use good ingredients - sweet ripe pears and fresh ginger - or it won't turn out to be perfection.  But please, give this a whirl.  It's heart-healthy too (with substitutions) so I'll have to double post it on my HeartHealthyFoodie blog.  And it's actually fairly easy - if you double the recipe, you'll have a healthy veggie side dish with no cooking for many meals to come.

Curried Butternut Squash and Pear Soup

Finished Product.

Ingredients:

1 butternut or acorn squash
3 tbsp butter (heart healthy:  substitute Smart Balance Sticks)
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 tsp fresh minced ginger root (all produce sections have)
1 tbsp curry powder
1 tsp salt
4 cups chicken broth
2 Bartlett Pears, cored and diced (okay to leave peel on)
                                                                                      1/2 cup cream (heart healthy:  substitute milk)

(1) Roast the squash by slicing in half and removing seeds, and placing flat side down on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper or aluminum foil.  Roast in 375 degree oven for 45 minutes.  When done, remove pulp from peel and set aside for later use.

Acorn squash before roasting. But go for butternut squash if you can find it.

(2) Melt butter in large soup pot.  Stir in onion, garlic, ginger, curry powder, salt, and saute until onion is soft. Add chicken broth and bring to a boil.  Add pear and squash and simmer until pear is soft (about 30 mins).

Peeling and mincing the ginger root.

Sauteeing butter, onion, garlic, ginger, curry, salt.

Core the pear.

Easy pear dicing.

SO easy.  Scoop up with spatula and add to soup.

(3) Here's the labor of this recipe:  If you don't have an immersion blender, you need to transfer the soup to a food processor or blender in batches and blend until soup is pureed.  I highly recommend getting an immersion blender though.  They're not very expensive and they can pay for themselves easily when you use them to make your own baby food.

Immersion blender.  Perfect for making your own baby food - or heart healthy smoothies.  $28 on Amazon, makes a great gift.

(4) Return soup to pot.  Stir in cream (or milk).  Reheat.  I like to serve with a dollup of low-fat sour cream in the middle.  So fancy right?

Double batch, baby.  It freezes perfectly in any container.

Enjoy :)

Finally! A Great Family Weekend (+ German Apple Pancake Recipe)

Usually if I want to think about an amazing weekend packed with all sorts of fun and family and friends, I read Erica Carlson's blog.  This girl has such a great life and such a sweet way of appreciating all of the little pleasures life offers... I love her blog and can't get enough.  Plus the recipes are fabulous.

But this weekend I was thrilled to be in my own life.  I didn't spend a single day of it pretending it was still another weekday while figuring out how to fill the time with my husband at work and my few Boston-area friends spending quality time with their own families.  Instead, ALL weekend, *I* got to have quality family time.  And by ALL weekend, I mean that he didn't even work from home.  I can't recall the last time he even had an entire weekend "off" (August, I think!) but I assure you the last time he actually didn't work over a weekend was before he started residency, over two years ago.  And he did have his scheduled vacation last month, which was great... but it was crazy-busy seeing no fewer than sixteen friends in St. Louis and nineteen family members in Chicago and Madison.  Whew!

Anyway, we needed a weekend together as a family.  I don't think I even realized how badly we needed it until we finally had it.  Bonus:  My husband even managed to wake up well before noon both days.  Although he did spend Friday and now Sunday evenings sleeping from about 8:30 on.  And thus I sit here blogging...

Loving his daddy time.

But seriously, we took full advantage.  It was Halloween weekend, and the coolest thing to do in New England at Halloween is definitely to go to Salem.  You know, Salem... where they executed all those innocent people for being witches.  Par-tay!!  

But tragic human depravity aside, Salem is a really neat place to go in October.  The Witch Dungeon Museum is FASCINATING.  First you watch a reenactment of portions of the actual 1692 trial transcript of Elizabeth Proctor.  She was accused by an orphaned girl she and her husband had taken in as a servant and treated as their own.  She was found guilty but because she was pregnant, her execution was delayed until the hysteria was over.  Her husband was not so lucky; he was executed.  Largely for standing up for her - so sad.  Their graves, along with the graves of many of the other 20 convicted and executed "witches" can still be found in Salem.  I mean how weird is it to live down the highway from where that all went down?  BTW local cemeteries are awesome this time of year.  The first time I saw one I thought it was an elaborate Halloween display.

Cemetery at Harvard Square

Next, you tour the dungeon.  Although it's just a reconstruction of the original, it attempts to be historically accurate.  Back then, you had to actually pay for your own time in prison (don't tell the Republicans!).  The wealthy could afford their own cells, and the middle-class were in communal cells.  The poor were in "coffin cells" - cells that were about 2' x 2'.  Like a coffin except you had to stand up.  The entire time you were imprisoned.  #FateWorseThanDeath.

Anyway, so we spent a spooky, rainy afternoon in Salem.  When the rain started to freeze, we picked up a chicken pot pie from the acclaimed Ken's Kicken Chicken (Amazing!!) and headed home, stopping off at Wilson Farm for some of their hot spiced cider.  Back at home we ate our warm pot pie and cider and watched the snow coming down in huge, wet flakes.  Once M was in bed we sat down to watch Knocked Up, decided we hated it, and about fifteen crappy Netflix movies later we settled on The Spitfire Grill.  Fabulous Saturday.

This morning I got up early with M and cooked my husband an autumn breakfast feast while he slept in. If you at all like apples, give this one a try.  It's really quite easy SO good.  A great way to have "pancakes" and actually be able to sit down and eat together instead of running back and forth to the kitchen to flip new ones.

German Apple Pancake

4 eggs
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp sugar
3 pinches salt
1 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 tbsp butter
1/2 tsp nutmeg


1/2 stick butter
1/2 cup sugar 
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and sliced to about 1/4 inch thickness


In large bowl, stir or blend eggs, flour, baking powder, sugar, salt.  Slowly stir in milk.  Add vanilla, melted butter, and nutmeg.  Set aside for at least 20 minutes, hopefully 30.


Preheat oven to 425.  Melt the butter in a skillet or large pot or saucepan.  Add remaining ingredients.  Saute 3-5 minutes, until apples are slightly cooked and sitting in caramel.  Pour apple mixture into pie dish.  Pour pancake mixture on top.  Bake 15 minutes at 425 and another 10 minutes at 375.  

SO GOOD.  Perfect for a fall weekend breakfast.

I did serve this with Breakfast Potatoes.  SO unhealthy but SO GOOD:

Dice up 1 large-ish red potato.  I like it diced small.  Boil for 5 minutes.  Drain.  Start heating it in a small pot.  Add finely diced onion - about 1/6th of a whole onion for each red potato.  Add finely diced or pressed garlic - one clove per potato.  And 2 tbsp butter.  Heat and stir, sprinkle with paprika.  Add salt and pepper to taste.  Add more butter or onion if necessary.  Cook until desired doneness - I like them slightly crisp on the outside but chewy on the inside.  SO good but *SO* bad.

Anyway, if you're still reading, wow, thanks!  This was one long and disjointed blog entry.  But my main purpose with this blog is to capture our lives, largely for my children.  And this weekend was one I don't soon want to forget.  We finished off Sunday by finally working together on some projects around the apartment (cleaning out the office).  It felt SO good.  Later in the afternoon we did a 3.8 mile walk to and from Wilson Farm for "apple cider donuts" (they're big out here), more hot spiced cider, and a haunted hay ride for M.  Dinner together.  Perfection.

Two Year or Three Year Spacing? Always On My Mind...

Time sure does fly when you have a baby.

At this time last year I was 8 months pregnant and could barely imagine what it would be like just to have one.  Now here I sit with an 11-month old, and it's T-4 months if we want to stick to plan A and space our kids two years apart.

I've heard a little from both sides - I've been warned not to do it, and I've been told that it ends up better in the end because they can play together sooner.  We're totally torn and you know what that means, folks:  We're easy prey for that insidious Baby Bug. 

Making this pro and con list, I know in my heart that what I want most is to be convinced that it's okay, and 2 year spacing will work out.  However, living in Boston with very little money, a lot of educational debt, no family in the area to help, and a husband with crazy work hours ... I'm worried I'd be biting off more than I can comfortably chew, and I really believe good parenting comes from parents who are in a happy place.

Pros of 2-year Spacing:

1. Kids play together sooner (in theory...)
2. Kids may be closer as teens and young adults, due to being closer in age (key word:  "may")
3. If we have boy-girl-boy, the two boys would only be 4 years apart instead of 6.
4. Easier to do family activities (ex: the afternoon-nap years are over when #1 is 7 instead of 9... woot, way more fun on vacations).
5. Physically way easier to be pregnant when younger.  Not to mention way easier to lift 30 lbs forty times a day, easier to clean the floor under the high chair after each meal, easier to give a bath while on your knees... parenting is SO physical.
6. Have baby #3 at age 34 instead of age 36.  Statistically most risks (infertility, miscarriage, health of baby) start going up exponentially at age 35.  And what if we end up wanting more than 3?
7. More financial aid for college, if we qualify.  They consider whether you have another kid in college that same year, but they don't consider your own educational debt.
8. Get rid of baby gear and get furniture we care about up to 3 years earlier, depending on how many kids we have.

Cons of 2-year Spacing:

1. Another year of squeezing a family of 4 into a 2-bedroom apartment... and possibly a family of 5 if we have a 3rd and do 2 year spacing.
2. Soooooo much harder to travel with two kids than one, especially a toddler and a baby... and my parents only visit us once a year, and my in-laws visit even less, so everybody expects us to go to them.
3. Along those lines, we'll be buying 4 plane tickets whenever we go home a whole year earlier, which means a whole year poorer... YIKES.  Would we only go home once a year ever?  Good thing our families live driving distance from each other.
4. I've heard it's really hard to keep the toddler entertained when you're stuck at home for the baby's morning nap.  I've heard that you should wait until your oldest can do a few mornings a week of preschool.
5. My husband will be super busy the year we'd have #2.  I've heard the adjustment from 0-1 is hardest on the primary care giver and 1-2 is hardest on the secondary caregiver.  But if I'm BOTH of those people... would I lose my mind that year?
6. The walk-up to our second floor apartment is hard enough with just a baby, and hard to imagine with a baby and a 2-year-old who may not follow direction.  Add groceries to that...
7. Speaking of groceries, imagining doing them with a baby in the baby carrier and a 2 year old who might try to run off at any time is somewhat unfathomable...
8. As is being sick as a dog when Matthew is just 16 months old.  Do they watch TV by then?  We currently don't even have television service.  
9. And what about being hugely pregnant when M is a year and a half?  How will I lift him?  How will I wrestle him for diaper changes?  My husband will already be in his busy year at this point, so dinner and bath time will be all on me.
10. Last, generally:  The time with just one baby is sort of blissful and sweet.  I have time to blog, time to make photobooks, time to keep up with friends on Facebook, time for a book club.  But two is supposed to be more than twice the work.  If we space them two years will I regret giving up a whole year of what has so far been one of the very best times of my life?

Eegads.  I want so badly to do the 2 year spacing but I'm terrified.  If anyone has any additional pros, cons, advice, or encouragement, I'm all ears.

UPDATE:  Overall the feedback I received from several friends has been very encouraging in terms of two year spacing.  But I also noticed that both of the friends who cautioned me strongly against two-year spacing are at home, or were at the time, and all but one of the friends who loved two-year spacing worked outside of the home.  It got me thinking... 7 of the 10 things on my "con" list really relate to the 1 on 1 ratio during pregnancy or the 1 on 2 ratio post-baby#2.  If I knew my husband would pretty much always be home whenever I was, I don't think I'd be as worried.   So... what now?

"This is it."

 Ever since I realized I'd one day be "an adult," I've spent a lot of time wondering and dreaming about that day.  I was never that into being a teenager - didn't like parties or cliques - and I wasn't exactly living up my twenties in law school, legal internships, and 3 1/2 years of practicing law.  Instead, I've sort of spent my life putting one foot in front of the other, doing all the things I "should" do... the things I "should" do to get back to my own childhood, this time as the adult.

I had a really great childhood.  I'm not at all trying to brag, just to explain what I experienced and what I want to give my children.  My parents had and still have a fantastic marriage.  My mom used to say that she never fit in with the other neighborhood moms in part because they were always complaining about their husbands and she had nothing to complain about.  "Your father is a good man," she'd say.  My mom's loud, Chicago-Italian laugh used to mortify me but my dad said it made his heart twinkle.  My mom was a fantastic mom - a little unconventional as a staunch feminist, but her work at a battered women's shelter and her demanding of respect from me, my brother, and everyone else she ever met lent her an enormous amount of credibility in my young eyes and gave me the backbone I'm proud (and glad) to have today.

A young couple

Helping Daddy clean the car.

Could Daddy have an ear infection?

My mom mandated family sit-down dinners - every night, unless you were eating over at a friend's house.  Everybody had to come to the table, and if you tarried after she called "time to eat!!" ... well, you didn't tarry.  She did the cooking but everyone else did the dishes and cleaning.  Television was generally off, as a rule, though I think we made a few exceptions for Roseanne.

Family vacations were annual.  We mainly continued my dad's family's three-generation tradition of going "Up North" every summer and renting a cabin in Minocqua, Wisconsin.  We did Disney twice, went skiing in Colorado once, and went to Cancun once too.  Nothing crazy, but my brother and I knew we were lucky to get to see these places.  Now I know I'm lucky to have the memories.

"Up North"

Cute baby brother

Dad took us sledding and built many snow forts... and taught us how to ride bikes and play chess... helped us with our math homework all the time... did karate with us for 6+ years... took me all over the state to weekend tournaments... took me to Minnesota a few times to visit colleges... and still takes me out to lunch when he can.

So throughout adolescence and early adulthood I've been trying to "get back to" that.  Maybe you have too.  I want to be the mom in a good marriage, with family meals every night, making summertime and the Christmas season times of happiness and wonder for my children.  Most of the time, it feels impossibly far off.  We live in a 2-bedroom apartment and will probably be here until we're 36... as a family of 4 or 5.  We have one car and we owe my parents a ton of money for it.  My husband is rarely home in time to have a family dinner (or any dinner), and he often goes weeks only seeing our son awake a few times, and only for about 20 minutes.

So I don't feel like an adult yet... I feel like a grad student, 27 years old max, with a baby.  The traditional markers of "adulthood" - or at least the ones I saw in my parents - haven't yet been attained.  But this morning, as I sat on the porch drinking iced coffee with my beautiful baby boy playing at my feet, it occurred to me:  This is it.  I'm the mom, finally, I'm the adult.  And I'm doing everything in my power to give my son the same great childhood I had with my family.  Earlier that morning we had read books, gone on a long walk on the bike trail, and stopped at the park to swing and crawl.  Yesterday I roasted a bunch of broccoli for him and he and I had a "Mommy-Son Date" with Kelly and Henry, ice cream in Davis Square.  We then went back to their place and splashed around in their plastic pool, and had a burrito dinner with Luke and little Miriam.  We had a great time.  We're having a great time, and a great life.

Not all the pieces are in place yet... but I believe they one day will be.  And until then I need to start realizing:  "This is it."  And... it's good.  My son is happy and loving life... even if it's sad to watch him look around for his Daddy and so often realize Daddy isn't home.  Daddy will be home more... someday.  And as Daddy says, "The ironic thing is that by the time this is all over, we'll be looking back at these years and wishing we were back here, young again, with our lives in front of us."  Yes, we will be.  So this IS it... and it isn't bad.  Time to enjoy it more... summer's here.

P.S.  Credit Kelly with the iced coffee.  Very easy to make:  Simply brew up some high-quality coffee extra strong, add and dissolve sugar while it's hot (and a few drops of vanilla or almond extract, if you feel like it) and chill.  Serve with ice and add cream... top with whipped cream, if you're me.  Enjoy on a hot summer's day.