Morning Sickness: The Unpostable

Parenting has brought me plenty of surprises, no doubt.  But for real, the biggest one could have been avoided if people discussed their pregnancies prior to their 13-week announcements (not that they really can though).

"Morning sickness."  It sounds so... fleeting.  And all the movies show is a young woman feeling fine at breakfast and suddenly running for the toilet.  You get the impression that she was actually surprised to throw up (as opposed to half-hoping for it for weeks).  I mean it's usually portrayed comedically in that very regard.  And you also assume that anything called "morning" sickness will surely be gone by 10 am... I mean WHY else would they call it "morning" sickness?  Why???  WHY?????

Come to find out last pregnancy that "morning sickness" is no laughing matter, and it's anything but confined to mornings.  A more accurate name for it might be "The Two Month Awfulness" - just imagine how horrendous it would be to have a non-violent but ever-present case of the stomach flu for TWO MONTHS (or longer!).  I mean really, imagine that - you hardly can, because it's unfathomably miserable!  Another better name for it would be purge-atory.

I'm talking day after day, week after week.  You wake up nauseated.  You eat breakfast nauseated.  You go about your day nauseated.  And your evening too.  A few weeks in you run out of things to eat.  You know how when you get the stomach flu, you can't even think about the last thing you ate before you became ill?  Well that happens to everything you eat, for weeks and then for months.  As one friend of mine put it while wandering Whole Foods: "Water water everywhere... nor any drop to drink."  Misery!  On top of that, you're still able to feel hunger (or a perverse, barely-recognizeable version of it) and not eating only makes you more nauseated!  You can't win!  Back when I was pregnant with M, if people asked whether I had cravings I explained that basically I was after whatever one food I could imagine that didn't sound like it would make me want to throw up.

Unfortunately - or actually, probably very fortunately - I cannot post the "morning" sickness FB statuses that have been haunting my head for the past week and a half.  That would entail announcing my pregnancy early.  So instead, I'm keeping a list of them right here.  Hopefully this will paint a more accurate picture than the movies do.  And give me something to look back on the next time my "mommy amnesia" kicks in and I start wanting another baby.

1. Sexism... big deal, people.  THIS is what's keeping women down!  THIS!
2. NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. No.  There HAS TO BE a better way.  
5. Wondering which food to ruin next... almost out of options.
6. Feeling fabulous with just mild nausea today... Par-TAY!
7. Today's Savior:  Mrs. Grass's Noodle Soup
8. Whoa... one wrong move with the toothbrush and it's ALL over.
9. Don't think about throwing up... don't think about throwing up... don't think about throwing up....
10. Just make it through March, just make it through March, just make it through... tonight, just make it through tonight, just make it through tonight.
11. Dear God, I know all throughout middle school and high school I prayed that you would turn me into one of those girls who just doesn't enjoy eating.  Please God... I take it back!
12. Oh I get it now.  I've been idolatrous with food.  This is God's way of showing me that I've relied to strongly on food and derived too much pleasure from cooking, baking, and eating.  He's turned my favorite hobby into a source of constant misery... this is all because I was too into food.  HAVE MERCY!

You get the idea.  

I can't wait to post this.  Because that will mean that I'm through with first trimester, and presumably feeling better.  Just... 6 more weeks to go :(

And I want to disclaim too that of course I'm also SO thankful to be blessed with another pregnancy.  In fact, that's about the only thought getting me through these days.